Amputee Woman
-
Dating Tips For Disabled Demystified
Smart, slightly sexy outfit – check.
Hair done, with a fresh blow-dry – check.
Makeup done, a little extra eye-liner added for good measure – check.
You’re ready for your exciting first date with a new HOT guy, and you’re about to head out the door. Something stops you in your tracks. You’re not sure you want to do this. You’re not sure how he will take you. Will he like you? Will he like your outfit? Do your shoes go with your wheelchair….?
Dating as a disabled woman is hard work, there is no denying that. With every blind date you set out on, every friend-of-a-friend that you meet up with, you have that bombshell to deal with every time…
“Oh, Kat didn’t tell you I was disabled? Well, I am. I have multiple sclerosis, and occasionally I need to use a wheelchair.”
It’s so awkward, isn’t it? Plus your friends don’t make life any easier, do they? They couldn’t have just told this guy he was heading out to indulge in a spot of disabled dating? Really?
If you’ve ever fallen victim to this bad blind-date set up, don’t worry. Check out these dating tips for disabled demystified!
If you’re being set up on a blind-date, ask for his number, or at least request that he be given yours to arrange the date. At least then you can subtly drop into conversation “The restaurant will need to be somewhere wheelchair-friendly in case I’m having a bad day” so that you can gauge whether or not he knows yet.
Some men can find a disabled woman an intimidating creature, mostly because they aren’t really sure how to deal with it. They either don’t know, or aren’t sure, and rather than ask (and risk making themselves look stupid), they’d just look the other way and hope that that moment slips away unnoticed. If they look uncomfortable, crack a joke. It gets me out of every dodgy situation every time.
I once asked one guy why he ‘didn’t feel he could date a disabled woman’, those were his words by the way, and he responded that he felt I would be too much hard work. He originally tried to blow me off with the sentence “I don’t know if I’m the right guy to take care you” and it made me feel more than a little patronised, if I’m honest. I asked what the real reason was and after a bit of squirming, he finally came out and said it. I’m glad he did, as it made me appreciate something – I would rather be told the truth, as harsh as it would be to hear, than chase after something I thought was real, and wasn’t.
When a guy feels uncomfortable around me now on a first (or subsequent) date, I simply ask him what he’s thinking, or I tell him what I’m thinking instead. Honesty is very refreshing, and after years of being told there was ‘Nothing wrong’ (stupid ex), I realised that time-wasters are simply people I would have zero interest in.
If you are looking for a great disabled dating web site that caters for the UK and Europe, check out DisabledDatingClub.eu. It might not look like much, but it has LOADS of wonderful members.
Get your honesty card out the way, and you’re offering a nice guy a get-out clause if he needs to take it. He might like you, but some people don’t have the capacity to deal with a disability. Wouldn’t you rather he just walked away now?
You May Also Like
3 Best Practices For Disability Dating
-
3 Best Practices For Disability Dating
If you’re delving into dating for the first time after becoming disabled, or you just haven’t been single in a long time and aren’t sure how to do things anymore, don’t worry. You won’t be destined to spend your life single and alone. You won’t be on the shelf getting dusty forever. You just need to take a minute, breathe, and then make a plan.
One of the best practices for any dating, not just disability dating, is to work out what you want and what you are looking for before you even begin to think about signing up to any internet dating websites.
Are you looking for love? What kind of love? A few-months? Or a lifetime? Do you want a one-night stand, or are you genuinely on the hunt for someone to marry, settle down with, and have kids with, hopefully to carry on happily ever after?
It’s not fair for you to sign up without any clue what you are looking for because not only will you be wasting your own time, you’ll be wasting the time of any dates you get talking to. What’s the point in going after the one-night-stand guy, if you’re looking for someone to fall in love with, and have never particularly enjoyed casual sex anyway? Think about it. Be realistic.
Second best practice for disability dating – just be open about your disability. Sometimes it will get embarrassing, and occasionally, you won’t be able to do things that other couples can do, but that’s just fine. Laugh it off. Develop a sense of humour about your love life as you do about anything else in life, and become a better person because of it.
Negativity isn’t sexy. Neither is wallowing in self pity.
The third and final best practice for disability dating – don’t be an idiot. Don’t think that you deserve better (or worse) treatment just because you are differently-abled, and don’t expect your date to be a mind-reader either. That hot guy that you met last night may have stumbled over his words and said some really stupid things about the fact you were in a wheelchair, or stumbled with your walking stick and bumped into another table, but he’s not necessarily a jerk. He could just be intrigued. Don’t jump to the wrong conclusions – wouldn’t you rather he talked about it and asked questions (regardless of how stupid or inappropriate) than disregarded you entirely just because of it?
If you have things that need to be said, or you don’t like what he just asked you, be open about it. You’ll be amazed at how much of a powerful aphrodisiac real honesty is, and although there are likely to be some bumps in this disability dating road, at least what you’ll have, even if it is just friendship, will be based on honesty and truth rather than something faked or covered up.
You May Also Like
Dating Tips For Disabled Demystified
