Disabled Singles
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Top FAQ’s About Dating A Disabled Person
As a group of friends, all with a disability, all looking for love, we’ve heard pretty much every question you can think of when it comes to dating a disabled person, and we thought it might be really handy to list them all down to give some of you a helping hand.
Some of these questions are pretty cringe-evoking, so may we suggest not asking these out loud to prevent causing offence?
Andrew was asked this question from a girl he was on a second date with – “Are you still able to have sex?”
He had multiple sclerosis and occasionally needed to rely on a wheelchair but as far as his manhood was concerned, everything worked pretty well, and he’d had no complaints up until that point. You’d be amazed at how many times that question comes up, and although occasionally the answer will be “no”, more often than not, the question just causes offence. Wait for your date to bring up any problems, it’s not down to you to bring it up.
Kate was asked this question, just as she was getting ready to go on her first date with a man her best friend had set her up with. He sent her this via text – “Doesn’t it annoy you that you can’t do what your partner is up to all the time, if you date someone that isn’t disabled?”
Her answer to this was: “No, not until an idiot like you brings it up!”
In her eyes, she was just as able to do everything a potential partner could do, despite her restriction of being blind. She had been blind for her entire life, and had learned to live with it in the best way that she could. An active girl, she always had a boyfriend on the go, and for someone to turn around and ask her whether or not she basically felt inadequate because of her disability really ruined her day. She didn’t date for a whole month after that, just out of protest!
Being really condescending to a disabled person about their disability is something your mother should have taught you is very rude. There is no need for it, and what makes it worse is the fact this guy actually assumed she had more limitations with regards to her disability than she let herself have. Kate had never let being blind getting in the way of her life, love life or otherwise, and for a man to suggest just that really got to her.
It should teach you a very vital lesson – don’t assume that someone that is disabled can’t do things, and never, ever patronise or condescend them. They are used to getting ‘grief’ because of their disability, and they’ll likely have a killer comeback that’ll leave you looking foolish.
In short, the best way to master dating a disabled person is to open your mind. Not every disability means that restrictions will be made on your relationship or your love life, and dating a disabled person is no different from dating a regular-abled person. Some of your dates may change, but that’s about it!
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Avoid The Top 4 Disabled Dating Agency Mistakes
When you click on the ‘Register Now’ button on that disabled dating website, doesn’t your heart start to race? Perhaps your hands get clammy? Maybe you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing? It’s been a while since you last dipped your toes into the dating pond, and you’re not even sure you know how to do it anymore.
Guys, there’s no need to panic. Whether you’re using a disabled dating agency style website, like Disability Dating Club or a regular-style dating site online, there are a few mistakes that many people commonly make, and with a bit of help and advice, you can make sure you avoid them!
With the right bit of guidance, you could be well on your way to SUCCESSFUL disabled dating in no time at all!
Negativity – It’s a bad thing. If you are a negative person, in a negative mood, with a negative outlook on life, how are you meant to find love? Even the hottest, funniest, most-abled, talented person in the world would have a hard time finding love if they were negative 24/7.
Being disabled does pose challenges from time to time, but it doesn’t necessarily need to define you as a person, and it doesn’t mean that you should let it interfere with your love life. If you feel negative about your disability, or having a hard time believing that someone could fall for you without you being able to do all the things that most other people can do, it’s not online dating you need, it’s a counsellor.
You need to work out how to make yourself relatively happy before you can expect someone else to be happy with you. You can rely on someone else to boost your mood either. That’s the wrong reason to try disabled dating.
B-O-R-I-N-G – Just because you are disabled, doesn’t mean you need to be boring. So what if you can’t go rock-climbing on your first date. You can go to the zoo and let’s face it, who doesn’t love the zoo? Your disability may mean you need to change things sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you need to live a boring life. No one wants a boring partner, do they?
Ex-Bashing – If you’re still hung up on your ex, cautiously trying to move on but not really wanting to, talking about her at every possible opportunity, you’re not going to get that second-date call back. You’re lucky you even got to the first date in the first place.
So what, you’ve been hurt. Haven’t we all?
No Confidence – We know that being differently-abled makes it hard sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a gorgeous, smart, funny, amazing person. Nothing turns a girl off more than a man that has ZERO confidence, so it might be time to start looking at your image, and how you can change it to make you feel better about yourself, before you think about taking snaps for your disabled dating internet dating profile.
Above all of these tips, you should always be yourself. Oh, and try to remember to have fun too. What’s the point in looking for love if you can’t have a bit of fun along the way? The whole thing is meant to be fun…. Right?
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3 Disabled Dating Tips that Guarantee Success
Right boys and girls, if you’ve had no luck with your recent disabled dating attempts, its time to dust yourself off, get back into the ring, and try again. Just because you have had a few bad dates, doesn’t mean that you are knocked out of the match entirely, and sometimes it just pays to take a break, do some quiet reflection, and figure out what is going wrong.
Could you be meeting the wrong men?
Are you attracting the wrong women?
Are you finding that your disability is getting in the way too much, or that partners aren’t able to overcome it?
Whatever the reason, where there is a problem, there is always a solution, and here are the top 3 disabled dating tips that guarantee success to solve any issue:
1 – They always seem to become disinterested when they find out I have a disability, and I can’t seem to date them for longer than one, occasionally two, dates.
It’s not a nice situation but sadly, we live in a society where judgments are made all too quickly, and all too easily. Rather than wondering why the dates are running away when they find out you have a disability, try asking yourself why you’re not being entirely upfront about the disability in the first place?
Rather than waiting until the first date, or just before it, to drop the bombshell that you are differently-abled, be upfront about it in your internet dating profile page, or make sure you have a photo that shows you in a wheelchair, for example, if you use one.
At least the dates won’t waste your time, turning up for one or two dates, before brushing you off and moving onto someone new.
Seriously applicants only please!
2 – They say they are fine with my disability but whenever I meet new dates, we can’t seem to make it past week three or four!
Is there even the slightest chance that you could be going after the wrong kind of dates?
OK, think about this – if you are a 20-something girl in a wheelchair, that loves to munch out on junk food on Sundays with your loved one, lazing around on the couch, watching bad TV, what are you going to have in common with the 28 year old gym-freak, that hasn’t had a pizza in 6 years, or relaxed in front of the TV in months? He might be really hot, what you have nothing in common.
Maybe you’re just going after the wrong kind of man? Maybe you should try looking at men you wouldn’t normally date? You may find you have so much more in common!
3 – I can’t seem to find an appropriate date-type when I agree to meet a guy from the internet!
Admittedly, sometimes it’s hard having a disability and part of coming to terms with it is the understanding that sometimes, life may go a little differently for you.
The good news is that now, many places are more disability-friendly, making dating for the disabled a whole load easier, but another great tool at your disposal is the internet. You’ll be amazed at what new and fresh ideas will pop up when you Google something like “disabled-friendly date ideas in [your town]”
